(Hamka, Merantau ke Deli:71)

Dihadiahkan oleh my crime partner sejak form 4.

As all can assume, i’m quite literature-ish these few days (and posts) ._.  I miss home (which economically sums up the family, friends and weather) *sigh* *sucking up my sigh quickly* What had happened to me these few days? (a conclusion made up from the absence of posts in my blog) well, here’s what had happened. Cracking my brains and doing CBA(cost benefit analysis) choosing which universities to apply-applied for universities-first test cycle-TSA-second test cycle-basically ordering my life properly.

There’s a lot I want to write about really. So many things/issues in my head. The potential pre-reformation in Malaysia (?) The economic downturn (euro especially),freedom of speech and things in between ‘em. Talking about freedom of speech, the latest(prolly not the latest) issue about ‘Seksualiti Merdeka’. I was not shocked by this issue, to be quite honest. The first time I heard this was last year but I’m surprised why there isn’t much fuss about it from the govt. So to prevent myself from jumping to any conclusion without concrete facts, I started to read a few comments and articles regarding this. How surprising the liberalisme and humanisme finally made a huge impact to our own culture and fundamental understanding of our values. Ban on sexuality rights festival violates human rights-as they claimed. I giggled. The thing about human rights that they are fighting for is against/and perhaps violates our fundamental principle of constitution of Malaysia which upholds that Islam is the religion of the Federation. Any threats that might/potentially violate the Federation must be treated asap. Two perspective can be adopt in interpreting this issue. From the Islamic perspective and the law(local/international) itself. And they do not contradict (in my opinion).

If one is upholding the stand that it shows the freedom of speech and human rights itself. One question that should be asked is the very basic definition of human rights. If we adopt the definition of ‘freedom’ as ‘doing everything freely’ in order to gain happiness, it might not be accurate. Human are full of desires. But fulfilling all of them  doesn’t mean that one is happy or reach a high level of satisfaction because is we gain one, we started to want another again. and we actually will be trap within our attachment to desires. So you’re not free after all huh?

And what’s all this Islamic organization supporting this movement? Interpretation from the Qur’an requires knowledge. Yes, we do tolerate and respect other people’s opinion/stand. But if it involves violating the basic teaching of Islam, we have to help those people. By saying help, I mean help, not condemning and throw bad words and swear blunty. That’s the importance of tarbiyyah and how Malaysia needs to bring back the piety of the ummah. Bagaimana mahu memandu kemajuan ekonomi mendahului developed nation jikalau rakyat hilang identiti sendiri?

Nasionalisme-cinta agama-kesejahteraan(happiness) tidak bercanggah. Malah, compliment each other. That’s why I came back to the extraction of Hasan Al Banna’s methodology presented by Ust Rusdi, Ust Hazizi and Ust Fauzi. Nasionalisme dilihat sebagai satu keperluan dalam rangka mengembalikan keagongan Islam dan kedaulatan Negara. Ia bukanya asobiah bangsa, sebalinya memimpin dunia ke arah kebaikan. Lihat sahaja Bhutan (salah satu negara yang amat inclusive shall i say) Satu sebab mengapa ia dianggap negara terbahagia di dunia adalah kerana mereka sangat berbangga dengan identiti mereka dan mengekalkan identiti negara sendiri. semangat nasionalisme yang kuat. cuma sayang kebahagiaan itu terbatas hanya kepada mereka. Semangat nasionalisme dan kemelayuan yang ditarget tidak seharusnya dipandang asobiah, malah harus dipandang sebagai mengembalikan produktiviti dan maruah negara sendiri. Ia hanyalah kumpulan sasaran yang dominan, bukan target itu sendiri. Kerana target kita, mencapai kebahagiaan dan cinta yang hakiki.

Dan agenda humanisme adalah satu agenda yang boleh/bakal mencabul mengancam kedaulatan negara/agama. Berpusatkan kepada nilai manusia dalam membuat keputusan. Agenda seperti ini seakan-akan mencari cari satu sistem yang sempurna untuk menggapai kebahagiaan dan kesejahteraan hakiki yang membawa kepada keadilan kepada semua. Tetapi loophole jelas terpampang. Sepertimana Dr. Tariq Ramadan menyebut bagaimana ideologi Friedrich Nietzsche yang mengatakan ‘Tuhan itu mati’ mengembalikan beliau kepada hakikat yang pasti, agama. Lihat sahaja revolusi-revolusi yang tercetus di seluruh dunia. Global economic downturn yang berpunca (to some extent) daripada kapitalisme. Perhaps there’s no pure capitalism system that exists currently but the regulation needed from the government itself needs piety and justice (which is not entail in most of the governtment’s institution).

Menulis kadang-kadang membawa kita kepada muhasabah. Kerna itu, perlu untuk terus berfikir. Mengapa dimasukkan puisi daripada William Shakespeare di atas? I studied this in class. Eventhough it’s not on our syllabus, my tutor included it anyway to show us the comparison between the conventional Elizabethan approach that other poets adopt (comparing the beloved’s beauty to the natural world) and Shakespeare’s ingenuity. He can be seen to be mocking those conventional approach by simply saying “the truth is, the moon and the stars are damn much more beautiful than my mistress’ eyes” somehow can be interpreted he not at all in love with his beloved. but the last two lines revealed everything. as if he’s saying “yet, by heaven, I love her and nothing can be compared to her beauty”. The point that i’m trying to make here, is the very essence of dakwah. Jalan dakwah itu bukan dihampar karpet merah. jatuh bangun, tangisan, pengorbanan itu norma jalan dakwah. Ya, nikmat dunia itu kelihatan lebih indah. cinta dunia itu kelihatan manis jika dihisap madunya. kesenangan seakan-akan membahagiakan. status memberi kepuasan yang tak terhingga. tetapi sayang, mendapat cintaNya lebih agung dan nikmat. dan kemanisan cintaNya tidak boleh dibanding dengan kemanisan dunia. seperti makan gula gula kapas. kelihatan indah. tetapi bila ingin menikmatinya saat dimamah, hilang tanpa meninggal apa apa signifikansi. Perlu perbaiki kembali ruhiyah yang ringkih ini.

p/s: eventhough I didn’t get to the interview, it was an experience. meeting peoples and learning new things. discovering myself really. received an offer from Durham University for PPE but still waiting for other offers to come (hopefully). now considering to reapply. should I? D:

I’m writing again. (well, typing to be precise). I have to say I miss blogging but somehow, I’ve been through a lot of stuff here and there.  Anyhow, with all the turbulances happening throughout the world, (Gadaffi was declared captured and killed, HIMPUN di sana,  the Euro crisis so on and so forth) let us sit back, read a poem and reflect.

Spent his later life living as a rector of the  little parish of Fugglestone St Peter with Bemerton St Andrew, near Salisbury, Herbert wrote religious poems characterized by precision of language and an ingenious use of imagery and conceits, typical of metaphysical poems. I was reading this in my class and I realized how I can closely relate the message with the fundamental teachings of Islamic traditions, and I assume in most religions in the world. Being born and educated with Islamic traditions, I was educated to be a good muslim and to another level, a daie’. Throughout my years of life, I stumbled upon those people who claimed that they want to be a ‘moderate believer’ ; tak nak alim sangat. biase biase je. So, how do you define a true believer then? An extremist? I see there is something wrong with the fundamental definition of a ‘moderate believer’ or a ‘true believer’. Some people are somehow scared or felt put off to understand their own faith/religion because they assume that religion or having faith is all about punishment which seems to be pejorative. Fear comes first. But I think that is not what faith is all about as love should be emphasized. Take for example, Herbert, who foregrounded and conveyed God as the God of Love instead of upholding the Old Testament where there a much elements of “thou shalt not…” He was a rector in a small village where the public were mostly illiterate and he took a clever approach in order to preach them towards God.

Islam is the religion of dialogues and critical thinking and in order to bring back the piety, we have to educate and bring back the fundamental teaching of the religion itself and not accusing others. Foreground the meaning of love towards God before emphasizing on the punishment. because it’s crucial to bring love first as love will then bring fear. Himpunlah di atas nama cinta bukan atas nama kekuasaan. Kembalikan rasa cinta ummah kepada Tuhan jangan timbulkan rasa judmental.

the poem above reminded me with a very familiar supplication:

“Tuhanku, aku tidak layak untuk Syurga-Mu, tetapi aku tidak pula sanggup menanggung siksa Neraka-Mu, dari itu kurniakanlah ampunan kepadaku, ampunkanlah dosaku, sesungguhnya Engkaulah Pengampun dosa-dosa Besar”

till then!

sehari dua ini, di hati ada perasaan cemburu. beberapa minggu lepas, cemburukan si orang tua itu yang dapat merekodkan saat-saat ‘Bersih 2.0′. jiwa meronta-ronta mahu mengasah ilmu-ilmu photojournalism. mahu mengaplikasikan teori-teori yang selama ini hanya dibukukan di dalam otak. lagi lagi mahu menyaksikan sendiri aksi aksi rakyat dan juga kader kader beruniform negara. pabila, melontarkan kata-kata manis nak turut serta, katanya “tak payahlah. kecik lagi. nanti susah kang”. ada kerevelenan(is there any such word?) di situ.

hari ini, si orang tua itu berpeluang pergi masuk hutan dengan memikul amanah menangkap gambar selama 3 hari. ala ala nak jadi NatGeo fotografer katanya. dengan menggunakan otot-otot muka menghasilkan muka secomel mungkin, menunjukkan niat tersirat ingin turut serta, akhirnya direject, “tade perempuanlah nnti. susah kang” katanya. okay fine. ada juga kerelevenan si situ.

kadang-kadang, hati meronta-ronta ingin membuat bermacam-macam perkara/aktiviti. lebih lebih lagi pabila dibesarkan dengan environment yang ‘dipenuhi’ lelaki. geram kerana apa yang ingin dilakukan selama ini, belum tercapai semuanya. *sigh* nampaknya tenaga belum dieksploit sepenuhnya. nak drive sendiri nak pergi usrah pon belum dipercayai sepenuhnya lagi. kena tingkatkan usaha mematangkan diri lagi nampaknya.

isu feminism tak pernah difikirkan secara serius dan kritikal sehinggalah dihantar membuat A level dan mengambil subjek Eng Literature di sana. Lagi-lagi pabila tutorku menegakkan pendirian feminisnya begitu kuat sekali. langsung mengindoktrin ideologi ideologi feminisnya kepada pelajar-pelajarnya ;P that sounded to pejorative huh? she’s passionate and i love her passionasim and enthusiasm okaaay.

In the western world the issue of feminism is strongly correlated within the society. even trivial dialogues or everyday conversation can be seen as oppressing women and women are given the double standard. so i’ve been thinking is there any such thing of feminism in Islam itself? without any serious arguments and stands, i kept the question unanswered. until one day, my tutor leisurely gave me an extract of a newspaper entitled “the most contemporary islamic feminist she is” (something like that-lah). ironically, when she personally handed the article to me, she said, “it’s not like i want to indoctrinate you or something” *wink*wink*. it’s about a British women who is fighting against women oppression especially in Islam. so that gave me a starting point throughout my journey of finding answers. (wah wah. macam Dora the Explorer) okay random. scratch that.

So the day after me and Hisan watched the Royal Wedding online (nak cakap jugak), me and Hisan got the chance of hearing a talk from Dr. Mohamed Akram Nadwi from Oxford in Cambridge Uni. It is universally acknowledged that everywhere in the world, women are seen less respected in the Islamic society. However, if we actually look into the history, women have been active in the world of knowledge. about 8500 women are active in the hadith-either writing books, or teaching. Yet why there has been a major misunderstanding in the society? There are certain views. First, women’s roles are confined specifically in the house. the highly famous phrase where “women complement the men” is actually absurd. because according to the Greek philosophers, women’s roles are confined because of the different characteristics they have. Since the men cannot give birth, that motion takes place but it does not employ in the world of education or anything else where women and men don’t differ. According to Greek philosophers, women are inferior within the mind and thinking. you don’t really find any women greek philosophers ite? Well secondly, the present misconception in the society is also because people are focusing on the differences rather than the similarities. In the Quran, Allah addresses human to encourage doing good deeds and prevent doing bad things-not specifically employ men or women. the differences are to help and not to confined and define. the differences are help in the family but the differences are to be covered outside the house matters.

so there had been a question that popped into my head, so are women qualified to be a khalifah? well, the problem is not because women are not qualified but men are the ones who are not qualified to be led by women. and there is no problem of women teaching men or doing things that men do. but the problem is the current society and situation. in the old days, women and men are pious and have a thorough understanding in religion. but now that’s not the case as we are indoctrinated by secularism and liberalism. we have to bring back the piety and sometimes the piety should come. the method to bring back the piety? well, the best answers that i can come with currently is through tarbiyyah. well actually that’s the best modus operandi actually, according to a lot of scholars. and i’ll post another entry about tarbiyyah, perhaps.

p/s : so when i couldn’t go along with si orang tua to the forest snapping pictures and tambah ilmu sana sini, i thought, perhaps there is much more strength within my hijab. (syoknyeeeee. masok hutannn. pacat pacat ku rindui. ok not)

okay. this is bloody awesome. lemme present to those who adore glorify coolness and books enthusiast, the house of shelves!

this innovative ‘Shelf-pod’ house in Osaka, Japan can hold 1o tons of books! it is specially designed by Japanese Architect Kazuya Morita for a  young historian with an extensive book collection in Islamic history. oddly amazing ite? 8D

So i went to my aunt’s house today to celebrate my cousins’ birthday. the initial plan was – me and my big bro picking up my other bro from Hira’s Jeram-then we go to my aunt’s house in USJ-everybody’s happy. UNfortunately, my big bro ditched me ._. so no everyone’s happy.humm.

so it was my first time seeing my girrrlssss (cousins) since i came back. and i hugged them like hell. miahaha. they said i look chubbier. no surprise if u’re stranded in a country where mostly people eat cheese, desserts and potatoes. and good to know that everything i eat goes to the nearest place they can go. ma cheeks.

the birthday cake was excruciatingly huge okay. i swore it’s enough for at least 50 people. and the food that my aunt prepared was drop dead awesome. rendang here, pulut kuning there, sup tulang di sana, sprinkle a lil bit of sate there – man. i was tempted. to be honest, i couldn’t eat almost half of the food served due to my allergy. but i commit a few crimes today. discipline is one of the hardest thing to keep pace with. senang habak – mujahadah lah. perhaps it’s usual if you starting your holiday with a list of things to be accomplished but ended up ticking a few things here and there. always happen to me. *istighfar* okay i’m in my summer holiday and it’s compulsary for me to restrain myself from going astray from my goals this holiday. like my naqibah set us a mission for this week : kurangkan benda-benda tak berfaedah sikit demi sedikit. sometimes i do feel guilty. wait, i think most of the times i do feel sinful of doing things leisurely while others bend over backwards kicking their ass off protecting and defending what’s theirs. i have to keep myself at a productive level. somehow by sitting/sleeping on my bed do invite pleasure and a sense of happiness where there’s the bright sky, rabbits hopping gaily and sprinkles of telletubbies suddenly appear. but the  pleasure and a sense of self-satisfaction that one gain by ticking off all his/her goals off sets the earlier pleasure. think about the oppurtunity cost. hamek hang. my econs’ teacher will be proud if he reads this which in a zillion years he won’t. jihad melawan nafsu itu tidak dinafikan satu jihad yang paling besar. put up a big font of ‘mujahadah’ on my wall in my previous room but sometimes i do slipped in to those little whisper that’s demonizing my lust.

i do believe that all humans are the same. they have the same capacity of filling or trashing their brains of theirs with knowledge. but the emotional, sociological and the self-restraining make all the difference. Albert Einstein claimed that he was not a genius but he was extremely curious. Pengorbanan itu perlu jikalau mahu mencapai cinta Allah. I have to sacrifice more. sacrifice more money, more time, more time eating trash, more time drooling. all the early scholars literally slept only for an hour or two for the sake of knowledge. i have to intensify my self-restraining skill. i’m writing it here so that i can remember. so i can implant this little mujahadah in my head over time. i realize my writing skill is also deteriorating and it’s gettin’ worse. there’s a possibility because it has been a long time since i read novels. like last time when i can finish a novel in one night ._. i miss the old me. well, missing isn’t enough ite faten? i have to grasp back the productivity.

oh and i drove on highway for the first time. and i drove back home at night for the first time. perhaps it’s not a huge accomplishment for anyone out there. but it’s a baby step for me. i hope i can make it easier for my parents in the future. and easier for me to move around and be productive. did i mention that my brother was sitting beside me and scrutinizing and being judgemental in every move, every brake that i pushed? yep he did. i bet he was swearing and denigrating silently in his little wicked head.

and the other day when i was tuning and searching for the right radio station/playlist, the beat of JB’s song – Baby suddenly popped out and he lost control. in a very very bad way. his voice roared with outrage. “JB is not allowed in this car!” didn’t see that comin’  :P

okay. i have meeting. bye

i do think i have interchangeable personality. so here goes nothin’

11th-14th June  -  Summer Camp (JUMP ’11) at Dublin, Ireland. 15th-22nd June  - Spending my last moments with Hisan and working my ass off trying to start my personal statement (figuratively speaking). 23rd -24th June  - Unexpected trip to Oxford. 25th June – Cambridge-London Heathrow-Dubai-Malaysia (on my way to hot tropical country).26th June – Here i am, back home. again. 3rd July – Typing

yesterday i did the randomest thing. i picked up The Deathly Hallows and started to read it. i know i’m currently occupying myself with Simon Blackburn’s book. but it’s not everyday that you do random things. now it’s like i’m choosing between chocolates or cupcakes. contemplating between curry or masak lemak cili api. scrutinizing between bed or shower. okay that’s facile – bed is definite.

so perhaps the highlight of my June was the Summer Camp that took place in Dublin. It was awh-*wait for it*-some despite the fact that i burnt my plane ticket because of the absentminded-impetuous-reckless-idiotic me, i enjoyed my time with a little bit of critical thinking here and there, physical confrontation and shooting with my sniper-Blaise. and did i mention that Kak Amirah Labibah and peeps were there as well? yes peeps. okay no peeps here =..=  FYI, she was my senior when i was in Hira’ and she’s the coolest ;D the height difference between us is no longer significant, that’s for sure. We covered bits and pieces on Dakwah and Harakah. It was quite stimulating and actually triggered my reasoning. One particular subject that i would love to put forward is the emphasis on how The Prophet, Muhamad spread deen of Allah and the highly effective political yet spritual elements that he employed towards managing a whole country and later became an empire.

excuse for my lackadaisical in writing. but the pictures sum it all

seconds before climbing the hill. in rain.

tarbiyyah surely doesn’t weaken one but strengthen one!

and and and i’m really excited about this one!

this peeps, is the school of Philosophy in Oxford University. TT..TT i wanna cry just thinking ’bout it. Please Allah “show me things as they are”

i wonder if Dr. Tariq and Sheikh Afifi were here

ini di Dubai. can barely see the background. but what the hell. upload it anyway for Hisan

okay it’s 5.53am. need to dash. to be continued…

p/s : i miss Anis Aisyah whom i didn’t get the chance to see. yet! she made a countdown for muahh :’( that’s extremely sweet-heartbreaking as well T..T

this is what happen when someone went “you should put my picture on your blog”. and i did. hope you’re happy. too bad no one reads my blog. teehee