la tahzan.innallaha ma’aki – jangan bersedih.sesungguhnya Allah bersamamu

this is what happen when i’m thinking about what will i face next year:

hands sweating

heart beating as fast as it could and feeling like it want to burst out of my chest

eyes watering

sleepy (coz when im nervous and scared, ifeel like sleeping is the best way to overcome that feeling)

yes, i’m nervous about SPM next year. that’s normal for people who was born at the same year as i am. BUT. there’s ONE thing. a huge humungus(not sure how it’s spell and the laziness to open the dic) big gigantic thing.

i’m going to run the school.i will be the one who ‘s responsible for the sudent’s discipline.what time they wake up.make sure everthing in the school are in place. i’m going to be a PKU(pen ketua umum).

“but faten, you did this, what to sweat about dude?! chill…”

“yes i did. but that was a HUGE DIFFERENT thing. i was at Hira’ last time. this is NOT Hira’. it’s totally different place. TOTALLY different”

“yeah…but people have trust on you man!”

“THAT’S what i’m scared about.THAT’S what make my hand sweats. THAT’s what make me wanna ran away! all eyes on me and they are eating popcorn waiting for me to crack and snap”

“okkkaaaaay…you got to get help!”

before i was selected, there are rumors about either me or another stud in the school being a PKU. some people were saying..”hey it must be that girl..””no-lah…i think it’s that new girl..”

i was being pressured. i felt like they were throwing a big heavy boxes full of unsure thing inside to me. then, i said a prayer…..i pressed my forehead againts my sajadah…praying…

Ya Allah almighty

most gracious

most merciful

You’re the one who i seek

i pray Ya Allah

kalau amanah ini akan membebankan dan memudaratkan

jauhkanlah ia dariku sejauh-jauhnya Ya Allah

dan lantiklah mereka yang sepatutnya

<few weeks later….>


“i hereby choose you to be the PKU..” – cik Sallina.

DUSH*heart dropped

run for ur life!!

sooner or later. i gotta face this man. i asked a LOADS of people.and when i say a loads.i mean a LOADS.

sesungguhnya Allah takkan beri sesuatu ujian itu kalau kita tak mampu menghadapinya

“yes Allah. i need your help. berilah aku ketegasan sepertimana Kau beri pada Umar Al-Khattab.berilah aku kelembutan sepertimana Kau beri pada Uthman Affan.berilah aku kesetiaan sepertimana Kau kurniakan pada Abu Bakar.berilah aku kebijaksanaan sepertimana Kau kurniakan pada Ali bin Abi Talib.berikanlah aku kekuatan.kau campaklah jauh-jauh riak daripada bertakhta di hati kecil dan hinaku ini.ameen”

2 thoughts on “afraid

  1. well fatin…

    Allah won’t giv u something that you cannot do…
    do it for the sake of Allah…
    do it for the sake of ummah…
    do it for the sake of dakwah…


    pray for us…
    ALlah will help us with our responsibility…
    and make us closer to him….
    and make us meet again…
    if not in this world..then in JANNAH!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s