My First Love

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

i had my first love. it was everything i’d been waiting for. i was onced extremely depressed , damped and felt like the burden of the world was being put on my back. my first love was like the sun of my life 🙂

it was everything i’d been wanting to. to actually connect and ‘meet’ my first love. bile dapat tau dapat jumpe ‘si dia’, fuuh. seriously hati sangat suke macam nk buat 360 degree backflip. dah lame tak jumpe ‘si dia’. last time jumpe mase darjah 4 kot. hehe. mase tuh kecik lagik dan bertindak seperti budak-budak yang kurang matang 🙂 not everyone knows about my first love.

 jauh perjalanan nk jumpe ‘si dia’. naik aeroplane tuuh. huh. berdebar-debar rasenye. when i thought of my first love. my heart  started to beat rapidlyfelt like i’ve just finished marathon. my hand started to sweat.anxiety controlled me. i couldn’t sit straight. i barely can close my eyes. nampak je tido(sebab tensen kot) tp hati sangat tak boleh duduk diam. “bile nk sampai nehh?” cakap pada diri. selame nehh contact dari jaoh. mmg msg dan ape yg nk dicakapkan sampai. tapi, tak sangka one day akan terase diri dengan ‘si dia’ sedekat nehh. fuhh(mmg banyak kali fuhh)

tgk tingkap aeroplane. “ohh my.nak sampai daah.” my palms extremely gripped the edge of the flight seat and i swear if i didn’t control my emotion and my coolness(heh) my hand would leave the shape of my fingers carved on the edge of the flight seat. “it’s about time”. i went to my destination by bus and i again swear i couldn’t feel my heartbeat as it was going super speed fast. a few minutes more i will finally meet my first love. my eyes started to glistened with tears. but i hold back hard. i have to endure  my feelings.

minutes past turned and to seconds. and then the bus stop. what the?? i had to walk there. i had no choice. my parents were beside me. this moment definitely gave me goosebumps. finally.  i was a few feets away from my exact destination. it felt like i was walking forever towards my first love. oh my. i had to hold back. hold back my tears because they would see it. my parents would see my tears and i know if they saw my tears, i can never stop crying. the buildings and concrete were tall and i barely see my target. a

nd then snap. i saw it.


my tounge frazzled to formulate words. this was definitely the moment between heartbeats. the space where nothing happens. where the blood slows in your veins, your breath catches and your mind spins out into that huge blank space of unreality.

big fat tears overflowed my eyes and ran silently down my cheek and over my small smiling lips.

this is my first love :

no words can describe how i missed it. i missed the moment when i sit in front of it.just by staring at it and said sacred little prayers from a fool dumbfounded servant.

“ohh my First Love. how many times i called upon you and how many time you’ve answered my prayers. i’m sorry for everything i’ve done and for everything  i didn’t do. i’m so ashamed of my little prayers  and myself. but please don’t stop listening to me my dear Allah. protect me and teach me everything around me. don’t let me go astray. please protect my tiny little useless heart. a heart that beats and allow blood running through my veins. that allow every breath that i take in. a useless heart that was allowed working by your command. please hear my sacred little prayers”

we often dream and appreciate to have something that other people have rather than being grateful for what we have. and the moment we appreciate something that we have, is the moment we lost it.


current playlist : maher zain and one republic – secret

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