In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful
So i went to my aunt’s house today to celebrate my cousins’ birthday. the initial plan was – me and my big bro picking up my other bro from Hira’s Jeram-then we go to my aunt’s house in USJ-everybody’s happy. UNfortunately, my big bro ditched me ._. so no everyone’s happy.humm.
so it was my first time seeing my girrrlssss (cousins) since i came back. and i hugged them like hell. miahaha. they said i look chubbier. no surprise if u’re stranded in a country where mostly people eat cheese, desserts and potatoes. and good to know that everything i eat goes to the nearest place they can go. ma cheeks.
the birthday cake was excruciatingly huge okay. i swore it’s enough for at least 50 people. and the food that my aunt prepared was drop dead awesome. rendang here, pulut kuning there, sup tulang di sana, sprinkle a lil bit of sate there – man. i was tempted. to be honest, i couldn’t eat almost half of the food served due to my allergy. but i commit a few crimes today. discipline is one of the hardest thing to keep pace with. senang habak – mujahadah lah. perhaps it’s usual if you starting your holiday with a list of things to be accomplished but ended up ticking a few things here and there. always happen to me. *istighfar* okay i’m in my summer holiday and it’s compulsary for me to restrain myself from going astray from my goals this holiday. like my naqibah set us a mission for this week : kurangkan benda-benda tak berfaedah sikit demi sedikit. sometimes i do feel guilty. wait, i think most of the times i do feel sinful of doing things leisurely while others bend over backwards kicking their ass off protecting and defending what’s theirs. i have to keep myself at a productive level. somehow by sitting/sleeping on my bed do invite pleasure and a sense of happiness where there’s the bright sky, rabbits hopping gaily and sprinkles of telletubbies suddenly appear. but the pleasure and a sense of self-satisfaction that one gain by ticking off all his/her goals off sets the earlier pleasure. think about the oppurtunity cost. hamek hang. my econs’ teacher will be proud if he reads this which in a zillion years he won’t. jihad melawan nafsu itu tidak dinafikan satu jihad yang paling besar. put up a big font of ‘mujahadah’ on my wall in my previous room but sometimes i do slipped in to those little whisper that’s demonizing my lust.
i do believe that all humans are the same. they have the same capacity of filling or trashing their brains of theirs with knowledge. but the emotional, sociological and the self-restraining make all the difference. Albert Einstein claimed that he was not a genius but he was extremely curious. Pengorbanan itu perlu jikalau mahu mencapai cinta Allah. I have to sacrifice more. sacrifice more money, more time, more time eating trash, more time drooling. all the early scholars literally slept only for an hour or two for the sake of knowledge. i have to intensify my self-restraining skill. i’m writing it here so that i can remember. so i can implant this little mujahadah in my head over time. i realize my writing skill is also deteriorating and it’s gettin’ worse. there’s a possibility because it has been a long time since i read novels. like last time when i can finish a novel in one night ._. i miss the old me. well, missing isn’t enough ite faten? i have to grasp back the productivity.
oh and i drove on highway for the first time. and i drove back home at night for the first time. perhaps it’s not a huge accomplishment for anyone out there. but it’s a baby step for me. i hope i can make it easier for my parents in the future. and easier for me to move around and be productive. did i mention that my brother was sitting beside me and scrutinizing and being judgemental in every move, every brake that i pushed? yep he did. i bet he was swearing and denigrating silently in his little wicked head.
and the other day when i was tuning and searching for the right radio station/playlist, the beat of JB’s song – Baby suddenly popped out and he lost control. in a very very bad way. his voice roared with outrage. “JB is not allowed in this car!” didn’t see that comin’ 😛
okay. i have meeting. bye