Yes, You

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

” Waktu adalah batas masa kerja yang membentang antara kelahiran dan kematian” – Anis Matta

I’ve been away for some time. loads of things had happened. I decided to blog again because i think i need to. i need to write/tell. Some things are better kept private. but not everything. thoughts, emotions and ideas are gifts. and it should be poured out regardless of anything. i think.

the last time i blog was on the 1st of Dec 2011. i didn’t even blog about new year. or winter holiday or Maulidur Rasul  or exams or somewhere in between. i blogged “Kuatkan Kaki Jangan Tergelincir”. but perhaps i almost did. feels like you’re at the brink of a cliff.

After the winter holiday, for some reasons, i felt absolutely lonely. i thought twas pms, but takkan  lah pms lame sangat (?) before, during and after the exams, i (think) was in a critical condition. at some point, i told myself that i’m not going to sit for the next paper. i was literally trembling during the night and suffer from insomnia i guess. my eyes are getting worse-swollen because of the tears. almost every night. it was as if like my grandmother passed away last time. seakan-akan layang layang yang terputus tali. entah mengapa seperti orang yang hampir pengsan dan tangan cuba menggapai gapai meraba sekiranya ada tangan lain yang menyambut. tapi tiada. there’s no one to hug me when i need one. no one to hold hand with when i need one. i was drowned with my thoughts and emotions. i started to lose myself. i didn’t know who i was anymore. i was afraid of everything-the expectations that i didn’t see the potential in me. and indeed i was blinded with tears. perhaps that’s why i went back.

Ya, kau  manusia yang lupa. tapi apabila jatuh, jangan terus jatuh tergelincir. jangan butakan penglihatanmu dengan tangisan kecewa sehingga kau tak mampu melihat tangan yang menghulurkan sokongan. Seperti kata kata hikmah di atas oleh Ust Anis Matta, a father of a very good friend of mine, ” waktu adalah batas masa kerja yang membentang antara kelahiran dan kematian” dan tak perlu aku menghabiskan waktu dengan tangisan tentang apa yang belum pasti. Kerna yang pasti itu hanyalah Dia dan zatnya. Tidak tahu apa yang akan terjadi esok, lusa, 2 bulan, 10 tahun. Tetapi pastikan hari hari mendatang dieksploitasi untuk mencari cintaNya kerna kau adalah pencinta.

to whom it may concern : thank you. yes, you.

 

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