Lie down with me and hold me

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful. 

Finished with exams. Fast forward a bit, I’m back in Malaysia. It feels weird to be back home where the you can feel the burning heat on your skin and not a random downpour instead. But I missed it. And I never knew that the hardest thing is saying goodbye. Gave cards and flowers to my teachers, said thank you, laughing about our two years of ‘rock and roll’ and went, somewhere quite and cried my heart out. Such an emotional wreck I am.

Two years. That’s all what it takes to change who I am. Or who I was. Two years. Was the significant turning point of my life where I learnt how to reflect my fundamental values/principles and be critical about it instead. I learnt how to agree to disagree. It might be toughest phase of my life (so far). I lost myself quite a few times but a small strong string kept pulling me back to my roots. It’s the phase where I almost losing Him but He brought me through it.

Life is a journey of discovering and learning because the purification of the soul is an ongoing process which will never end. The moment I hugged my English Lite tutor, my heart became weak as a boneless creature. I hugged her with all my heart and hot tears came pouring down my cheek. “Thank you for being a great mother for me here” I whispered. To her, everything is not insignificant and how you project every words in English counts. Once I accidently disgrace English by saying “he is so cute” depicting one of my classmate’s behaviour and she ‘hit’ me and said, “cute?! have I thought you nothing Fatin?! Never use ‘cute’. ‘Charming’ instead”. I know, right?  I love it when she recites a poem or a dialogue in a play because she will either give me goosebumps or tears instead everytime. She will fight for the right thing and for the sake of her love for her subjects and her students. Studying with her taught me the value of life itself. English is not just a subject but it’s what have been holding me to my roots for two years (and will do in the future). She makes me discover my true love for literature.

“Ajarkanlah sastra pada anak-anakmu, agar anak pengecut jadi pemberani,” (Nasihat Umar bin Khattab)

I always doubt myself yet they are the ones who always have faith in me. They are not just teachers but the reasons why I kept going. Will be missing the random jokes in class and child-like behavior. (Yes. Child-like, not childish yea) Thank you for sending us a link on how to set our alarm clock on time. Sorry I called you ‘poyo’ once, Sir. No offence it was just a joke (as if he’s reading this, which, if he is. I’ll close my blog) 

From left : The one I should see every wednesday morning, the one who revealed me the bright side of numbers, the one who taught me the existene of numerous graphs in the world, and my personal tutor in my first year.

My teacher and one of my classmate, Monika. She’s very dear to my heart; a very understanding and a sweet friend she is.

things my tutor response to; my doodle.

this is now empty.

“And the seasons will change us new. Be the best I’ve known and you know me. I could not be stuck on you if it were true”

Whatever happen, wherever I will be, I will treasure this. It’s not just this. It’s love.

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