In the name of Allah Most Gracious most Merciful.
Sometimes you feel like you’ve reached a plateau in your life, where you’re out of inspirations to keep you going. Regardless of how pious you are, how tarbiah-intensive you are, you will reach to this point of plateau in your life. Nothing around you are in position to inspire you. You feel trapped, almost non-existent, dying inside. You’ve lost that adrenaline in your blood, feels like everything was forced. It’s not to a point where you feel like you’re living a worthless life yet, because deep down inside, you know you are living a life worth living. You just lost inspirations to keep you running – running out of fuel. Things were made worse when you’re alone. Kesunyian kadang satu kenikmatan kerana dalam kesunyian diri kita paling ‘bising’ waktu itu. Tapi kadang ada kesunyian yang membunuh jiwa.
That’s when you know that you have to go back home.
Going back home had cured me, keep my sense together. Made me realize the endless blessings and the people that depend on me. Reunited with the people that raised me, talked through about their expectations on me. That relinquished the narrow-minded self, where everything revolves around me. I have bigger family responsibilities await me. Seeing the two best friends that I grew up with made me myself again. Who saw me at my lowest points, reminded me of who I am.
Sometimes you just need to go back home to remind yourself of what you are, how you are and why you are. I decided to regain myself back home so that I can keep on running here.
I pray that He protects my beloved ones, and I will reclaim that cuddle of yours my little sister.
third-wheeling my parents.