What I like about – Here’s to fools

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

Since I am having a brain malfunction and I have some time to spare during lunchhour (I make my own spare time act), I decided that I should write this and get it off my chest asap.

Now I understand the hype behind La La Land.

Hisan told me that it’s good and I’ll like it. Apparently, I loved it. After going through an emotional roller coaster last Friday, I decided to meet my brother and his wife, saying that “I need a hug”. Fortunately, they made/spent their time for/with me.

La La Land is about sentimentality.

That’s why it made people fall on their knees, unconsciously put on their best sad smile at the end of it because at some point in our lives, we will feel that way.

I fell in love with the phrase “city of stars, are you shining just for me?” as it reminds me of Sleeping at Last’s Saturn – “the the universe was made, just to be seen by my eyes.” Every individual in this world is unique in his or her own ways. Imagine 7 billion population of the world (2011), 29.72 million people in Malaysia (2013) or whatever million in your constituencies are, and you feel like everything in this universe was made just for you, and you alone. You are the chosen one by Allah to feel what you’re feeling now. Be it heart break, happiness like you’re on top of the world, falling in love, having your heart broken, loneliness, content loneliness, Allah chose you to feel that way, at this moment. Apparently, you are the chosen one.

I fell in love with the struggle of Seb and Mia. Someone wrote, “everyone in La La Land is wrestling with ambition”. It what makes you human. Seb’s words and Mia’s monologue/song were engraved in my mind ever since I heard them. Seb said to his sister (if i’m not mistaken), “I’m letting life hit me until it gets tired. Then I’ll hit back. It’s a classic rope-a-dope.” Maybe it’s not your time yet, where you got stuck to a life you never imagine you would face, family condition that tested you to the core, things that led you to choose decisions you never really believe in but decide anyway but you still have to hold on to that sacred belief of yours. A belief that fate weren’t suppose to bring you down. That one day, you will hit back and be content.

I fell in love with The Fools Who Dream. It reminded me of Hisan’s birthday note when I turned 20.

“Have I gone mad?”

“I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”

p/s: let’s be mad bonkers

Turning 20 is something significant in one’s life. A transition from teen years to young adult period. There will be more huge and turning points decisions that you have to make. And ultimately be responsible on that decisions of yours. But most importantly, you have to dream your dream, not somebody else’s. Mia’s aunt told her that “a bit of madness is key to give us colour to see” just like the people who told me to be a mad bonker. We will be seen foolish, as our hearts will break, and we will make a mess that is inevitable. But that’s part of being foolish.

I fell in love with the sentimentality. The story is beyond Seb’s and Mia’s. So many people will be part of our lives where they were the most important people in the world. Their words and actions will affect yours, your worldview, you passion and ultimately they will affect your emotions. But at some point they will waltz out from your life, either you choose it be or fate led you to be. Ones that shape you but also the ones that you hardly ever see or will never see againyet the memories vividly got stuck in your memory box. I fell in love with the sentimentality because it brought me to the defining period of my life, to the defining people of my life. It brought me back to the times where theatre and musicals are the events I look forward to at the end of the week with my friends. It’s about real life scripts, real life emotions, real life actions. It brought me back to that awkward moment when I was watching Equus without doing any further research beforehand. But I look away and stared at my friend’s eyes instead. It brought me back to the lengthy conversations that I had with my friends in a little cafe surrounded by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. It brought me back to my first experience of witnessing snow falling at 3 in the morning after I sleptover at Hisan’s room. It brought me back to my lonely dark journey home by bicycle while watching swans singing to each other. It brought me back to my sacred and public mistake/sin that he pointed out.

I came back not only due to responsibilities, but to embark on a journey to understand who I am a little more, how my heart works. And subhanallah Allah had showed me in His own, subtle and harsh ways.

“So much just happens in you life, sometimes the people who most helped shaped you don’t register more than a knowing glance and a nod, like the one Mia and Seb share at the end.”

And sometimes the sentimentality that keeps you going.

And to hope that I’ll constantly be foolishly Yours.

 

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