Mayday.

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

Since it’s mayday, I thought, “why don’t I write about my thoughts on being a worker, trying to earn a living while making my life worth it?”

I finished my masters in October 2016, went back for good after i spent almost 6 years in the UK in November 2016, started working (I mean, serious work here) in January 2017. Hence, it has been almost four months or so? Yep, about four months. So like any other fresh graduates out there, who was once yearning to go out on the ‘real world’ and do ‘real job’, I was too. Except that I didn’t have any clear path on what I really want to do (or maybe most of fresh grads didn’t have any clue too). I remember the days where I wanted to be an architect, because I liked art but being a painter would make my life quite difficult especially if I want to sell my paintings. One has to be truly exceptional to earn a living as a painter. I also remember the days when I wanted to be like my mother, and climb up the career ladder, being a manager in the corporate world and all. Just to show that women have guts too. But who would’ve thought that I would graduate as a social science student, with a masters in IPE. Plus, I’ve always wanted to study abroad, but I never thought I would spend 6 years of my life overseas. But I did. Damage done. LOL no-lah. And I still remember how I rejected JPA’s offer for me to go to Japan because my parents forced me to. LOL. no-lah. It’s a blessings in disguise too, apparently. And here I am, trying to write my thoughts of being a worker.

Being a worker, I thought was the time of one’s life. Go out in the morning, come back home in the evening, and got paid.

“you finally get to go out to the real world”

But it isn’t as easy as it looks like.

They say millenials are lazy. They are too picky. They jump jobs too frequently. But Poswolsky  said that millenials generation are simply full of aspirations. They are a generation that are yearning to make a change, wanted to find meaning in what they do, in their workplace, find a work that makes your heart sing, creates impact, and pays rent (or food in Malaysian case). So, commemorating my four months-versary (I doubt that I spelled it right), here are my thoughts on being a worker:

1. Live a life worth living.
As I was about to graduate, I considered applying for jobs in the UK, but I received abah’s text, “ten, balik Msia lah. Farah needs you here.” Like a mutant receiving Professor X’s order, I decided to go back home for good. Gus’ fear in The Fault in Our Stars is oblivion. Mine? is not being able to make my life worth living. Holding on to that aphorism, I took a job that some advised me not to. I was optimistic as I believed what I believe. I had faith in the fight I believed worth fighting. As Poswolsky said, it is crucial to find your purpose. And it’s okay if it keeps on changing. Maybe at the time being, it’s about earning experience, exposure regardless if it’s not related to your degree. Maybe you just want to earn money. Or maybe your purpose now is to go into the corporate world. Maybe it’s to pursue you graduate study, maybe it’s to make people’s life better and do charity work. Or maybe you just want to change the world to be a better place to live in. But make sure to have a purpose as life goes along. And it’s okay if it keeps on changing. It should.

2. Take a risk and jump that cliff.
I ventured into a field that isn’t popular. And perhaps, there is very little market for it locally. I’m not even sure where will it’s going to bring me in the next few years. But I decided to just jump that cliff. It is not a secure work that would promise you a high remuneration but it is something that everyone would willing to do. So, I thought, why don’t give it a try?

3. Always try to put your heart out.
Somewhere along the line, you will get demotivated. Sometimes, that day isn’t just your day. Sometimes you feel like you just not doing things that you like. Or enjoy. It’s normal. Despite that, just try to put your heart out in every work that you do. Some days you will feel useless, or you will feel, “i’m not qualified to this kind of job”, sometimes you’ve been spending hours and hours in your office/cubicle in front of the computer but achieved nothing. It’s normal and despite that, just try to put your heart in everything – if you feel like doing a bad job, make sure you put your heart in doing a bad job. It’s normal.

4.Learning does not end when you graduate.
Maybe if you graduate, with a degree in your hand or a masters certificate scroll, you might feel like you’re equipped with all the skills and expertise to handle the ‘real world’. You’re not. Learning does not end when you graduate. When you enter into the world of work, you actually continuing the process of learning – except that you get paid for it. Sounds cool ite? You might learn different things. How to handle your work (or how not to), how to be innovative and present new ideas, different perspectives, work with people with different perspectives, how to handle you emotional health and all sorts of things.

5. No matter how hard it gets, make sure have time for coffee, cendol or a stroll.
Due to the nature of my work, I decided that I have to make sure that I have time for coffee with friends, family and cendol with my anak-anak usrah. They say that the work you choose is synonymous with the life you choose. But to keep me sane, I know that it’s important to stitch people that matters in my life. Some people might call it escapism, but I call it personality theraphy. Yes, you are subscribed to a life you choose, work revolves around your life but try to make sure that it does not consume you. Especially when the friends that I have at the office are basically zero, I have to make sure that I’m still human at the end of the day and I am still me.

But one good lesson that I am learning is that – you need to have a purpose. And it’s okay if it keeps on changing because it needs to. It’s what keeps you a purposeful human being. As you get older, the troubles and the problems that you face will become more complex and harder. But, life is too short to be unhappy and lost yourself. You can depend all you want on other people, feeling like grass is greener on the other side, but the grass is greener where you water it. Unless, it’s a really bad grass then it might be the time to change. I do not know how far this current life will take me but I am trying to keep my head up high.

Another thing, try not to be afraid of who you are and holding on to your dreams. Selagi tak melanggar syariat, jalani saja! I’ve been holding back on something that I really wanted to do. I guess, I should just start before I turn 50 and said, “I wished I had just submitted those photos and just try.”

p/s: Wrote this on the 1st of May but published it on the 2nd because Kenji decided to bite my laptop cable sampai putus. And, I spent about RM500 in PBAKL. Looks like Ramadhan is going to start a little bit early for me. LOL.

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She accompanied me doing work at a coffee shop. The most wonderful question that I received from her besides “u okay yang?” is, “will you be my bridesmaid?”

 

 

 

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Struggle.

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

It’s ironic that as you grow older, supposedly wiser, equipped with more and better knowledge, you use less words, less being descriptive. I texted abang and told him something, “i need inspiration. help”.

Every other points in our life, we will face something that we struggle the most. Be it the most minute thing, like to smile to a stranger, wake up on time for that fajr to the biggest struggle of enduring that pain and heartbreak for years. You will struggle and it’s never going to be easy. There will come a point in your life that you asked yourself, “Am I being a hypocrite that I hate?”

But struggle is a process that we will have to endure and face so long as we are recognized as human beings. I am personally struggling to work out whether I am worthy of His mercy. And that is the struggle that I have to endure for the rest of my life. May that be the source of my happiness.

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Saat Cinta adalah Saat Gila. Saat Gila adalah Saat Keajaiban

Masa muda adalah masa yang paling strategis. Tenaga yang infiniti. Semangat yang tiada henti. Cita-cita yang menggila. Tapi malang masa muda hanya sekali. Alangkah indah jika bisa muda berulang-ulang kali. Kerana terlalu berjuta cita yang ingin dijiwai. Jangan sia-siakan mudamu wahai adinda. Gunakan tenaga mudamu mengejar cinta Ilahi!

Selamat hari lahir, wahai diri.

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Selamanya my sweet escape.

Hidup Bersama

Kita sudah sampai di lereng amat indah, di bawah
pelangi, dalam ufuk yang masih mencabar;
dan kita ikhlas berjanji untuk bermaruah,
tenang dalam segala uji cabar dan debar.
Kita mencari hanya yang tulen dan jati,
sekata hidup, mengerti dan berbudi.

Kita wajar mendaki lagi kerana puncak
yang jauh. Dalam gelora dan tofan
tak tercalar tekad kita kerana kemerdekaan
mengasuh kita bersuara dalam sopan,
yakin menyanggah musuh, tulus menambah kawan,
inti tonggak dan menara kebahagian.

Kita datang bersama anak-anak yang sedia
menyanyi – sihat, teguh, bertekad dan berani.
Mengelilingi tasik, mendaki gunung, kita
mengajar mereka berjiwa besar dan berbakti.
Tanah air akan indah, megah dan bermaruah
jika kita sentiasa mensyukuri anugerah Allah;
dan bumi akan subur, makmur dan mewah
jika kita bekerja dan berikrar hidup bersama.

Tanah air memberi banyak, mesra mendakap kita;
kemerdekaan mendorong kita berdiri dan berbakti.
Dan kita sudah sampai di lereng indah, pasti
tetap mendaki juga, menyanggah musuh, menambah
kawan tanpa jenuh, khuatir, juga tanpa rawan.
Dan dalam alaf baru semangat kita wajar padu,
berjalan kita atas nama tanah air dan bangsa –
bangga kerana merdeka, megah kerana bahagia.

Anak-anak kita bakal datang tangkas dan berilmu;
dan kita, dalam sejarah, bakal syahdu dan bangga,
kerana awan yang indah, lapis pelangi lebih mesra,
wajah diri dan inti peribadi kita tunjang bagi
kehidupan dan kemerdekaan bangsa yang sentiasa
sedia belajar mengerti dan tekun hidup bersama.

A. Samad Said.

A young sceptic

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

“He who does not doubt, does not investigate, and he who does not investigate does not see, and he who does not see remains in blindness and error.” – al Ghazali

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truly by nature, they’ll speak to you.

and with regards to my essay: “the great divisions among humankind and the dominating source of conflict will be cultural.”

 

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Manusia memiliki 3 potensi utama dalam hidupnya. Potensi fizikal, potensi intelektual dan potensi jiwa.

Boleh jadi seorang manusia mempunyai potensi fizikal di mana segala kekuatan fizikal, ketahanan badan, kecergasan miliknya. Badannya tegap, kuat ketahanan badannya, tidak perlu risau tentang donut yang dimakan siang tadi atau pizza yang dilahap malam kelmarin. Kerana badannya begitu mudah menyingkirkan apa-apa yang tidak berfaedah. Tapi sekiranya kelebihan fizikalnya itu disalur pada hal yang tidak baik, maka rosak kemuliaannya. Menjadi model komersial? Lalu rosak kemuliaannya.

Boleh jadi seorang manusia mempunyai potensi intelektual yang tinggi. Sudah khatam setiap buku akademiknya dan teori teori ekonomi atau politik hanay berada di genggaman tangan. Petik sahaja apa-apa teori atau formula maka mudah untuknya berbicara tentangnya malah mempersoalkan kredibiliti sesuatu ilmu itu. Menuntut ilmu seakan-akan syurga baginya. Mudah dan ilmu itu seakan-akan permainannya. Tetapi sekiranya ilmunya tidak bermanfaat buat orang lain yang hanya ditelan dan lalu menjadi racun pada orang lain, maka dia tidak mempunyai apa-apa kemuliaan.

Lalu tinggal satu potensi manusia yang terakhir. Potensi jiwa. Dan potensi jiwa ini sangat berkait rapat dengan kondisi hati seorang manusia. Boleh jadi seorang manusia tidak mempunyai kelebihan atau potensi fizikal atau intelektual. Tetapi sekiranya seorang manusia mempunyai hati dan jiwa seorang pejuang. Memperoleh bahagia di dalam kesusahan dan mujahadah, mempunyai sabar yang bisa menolak apa arus sekalipun demi keredhaan Ilahi, maka manusia itu akan menjadi semulia-mulia manusia.

Urusan hati ialah satu urusan yang perlu dipandang serius sepertimana seriusnya kita mencari resepi apa yang ingin dimasak untuk orang rumah. Atau seserius mana kita mencari arah tuju di dalam pembelajaran, seserius mana kita ingin organisasi kita teratur atau tidak atau seserius mana kita ingin mencari arah tuju dalam hal karier. Urusan hati ialah satu urusan yang serius. Sangat serius. Boleh jadi kerana hati kita menjadi semulia mulia manusia atau sehina hina manusia.

Mahu mulia atau hina?

Jika mahu mulia, perlu mujahadah lawan nafsu. Lawan sampai menang.

p/s: isu hari ini: “saya tidak setuju wanita yang tak pakai tudung masuk neraka!” Mahu protes pada siapakah? Dan progress 9k words of esemen is consistent but slow. Ayuh!

Verily, the heart…

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

Just realized that I never write or post anything about my degree journey here in the UK yet. Or even mentioned that I am currently studying in Warwick. I skyped with my mak this afternoon and after seconds of silence, mak said, “dah nak habis 2nd year dah fatin…”

“Dah nak habis 2nd year dah Fatin…”
“Dah nak habis 2nd year dah Fatin…”

Hot tears rolling down my cheek. I can never reply to that.

The sacrifice and the agony I had put them through? I can never reply to that.
The hunger, the thirst and the pain they had gone through for me? I can never reply to that.
I can never reply to that.

Untuk apa? “Demi umat Fatin. Demi Islam” mak selalu pesan. “Supaya bermanfaat untuk umat nanti.” For I see ibu mengorbankan kepentingan dirinya demi umat and for that I see ibu yang melahirkan kader dakwah. And I see ibu yang batinnya seorang pejuang demi melahirkan generasi pejuang.

Justeru, urusan hati urusan yang sangat serius. The heart is not only yours for the heart is belonged to the ummah. Treat your heart seriously and mend it if you must.

من علامات من غرق في الذنوب عدم انشراح صدره لصيام النهار وقيام الليل
Antara tanda tenggelamnya seseorang itu ke dalam dosa, tidak terbuka hatinya untuk melakukan puasa dan qiamulail

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how i miss walking this path.

Verily the heart is fragile and isn’t yours to keep but for you to treat and feed. I have 3 assignments and exams due soon. Words serve me well hence I will keep updating my progress day by day from now insyaAllah for the sake of ummah. Going to London tomorrow to meet those who are dear to my heart. Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

Antara Rijal dan Emosi

 

OBOR SEMANGAT
Umat kini diibaratkan
buih yang terapung di lautan
dihanyut terhempas dipukul gelombang
dan lenyap bila dihembus oh angin
 
Pada siapa nak diharapkan 
yang tinggal cuma sebatang tubuh
mulakan dari langkah yang pertama
biar putih tulang jangan putih mata
 
Gunalah falsafah si cengal emas
simbol tiang seri utama
gagah berjuang di tengah umat
cahayamu pasti gemilang
 
Islam pasti bangkit lambat laun
janji Tuhan pasti terlaksana
waktu jangan lagi dibuang sia-sia
obor semangat ayuh kita nyalakan
 
 
Usah melayan emosi manusiamu sedangkan manusia lain memerlukan kerijalanmu. 
 
it’s been a while.

times like this.

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

Times like this,  it suddenly strucked you that you are no more better than yourself a minute ago. Times like this, you feel guilty to laugh at something funny because you just read the news about your brothers and sisters who were being massacred just now. Times like this you realized, that death will eventually greets you. Times like this, you really feel that the world is eventually going to end.

and times like this, you really feel that time will wait for no man. or woman. And you have so little time.

Thus times like this you realize that the step that can be taken to help your fellow sisters and brothers there in Egypt, is to change you attitude and check your taqwa.

Allah ampuni dosaku. Amin.

sudahlah!

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Ah sudahlah! Sekarang baru sadar ujian mengajar mu arti sebenar keikhlasan? Tangismu itu bukan tangisan pahlawan yang berkorban tetapi tangisan calon pahlawan yang manja! Cengeng!

Kata bunda, “keluar! langkahkan kakimu keluar dan tatap ciptaan Tuhan di luar sana nun! Jangan cengeng!” Benar. Betapa ajaibnya ciptaan Tuhan, sang angin yang menampar pipimu mengajar arti keikhlasan mencari cinta. Bagaimana ciptaan yang dikatakan invisible itu mengajarmu bagaimana memberi impak yang besar. Hebat bagaimana dahan pokok dan daun-daun membisikkan ke hatimu erti sebenar sabar. Bagaimana sang air memujukmu bahawa “kembara kita masih jauh wahai manusia.”

Itu dikatakan di dalam falsafah, ilmu aesthetics. A branch of philosophy that concerns with the beauty of artworks. Hegel  claims that the natural product is inferior to the human product as they do not experience the journey of spirituality. Only an artist who is inspired by nature to create a painting is qualified to be seen as someone who has artistic qualities. Nevertheless, perhaps because he failed to extract the natural beauty, the God-product, the meaning and the spiritual journey that lies within. Only with the existence of these natural, God-product beauty, a human can experience the spiritual journey that he claims artists seem to be having.

tujuan asal post ini adalah untuk hasil bagaimana alam dapat mengajarmu metodologi hidup. Secara tak langsung, menaip beberapa perkataan yang boleh dikatakan revision untuk exam Philosophy 2 hari lagi.

Ingat sayang, jalan cinta itu tak mudah. Sekarang kau lupa. Dan mungkin jatuh. Kalau jatuh, bangun kembali. Kalau tak larat bangun, cari orang/ciptaan yang dapat tolong kau bangun.

Kembara kita masih jauh.

 

Because to restore its meaning

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

“Do we return to the self in order to transcend the ego, or are trying to draw closer to the One and lucidly face up to the loneliness of our consciousness and our indeterminate destiny? The answer is never, ever strictly rational: as we travel the road that leads to the origin, follow the meanders of cyclical and/or linear time, and come back to the self, we discover both horizon of tensions and a hope for harmony and peace; the road we travel, therefore, always involves emotions, affection and well-being. Spiritualities, religions and philosophies, whatever they may be, cannot escape either the questions of reason or those of the heart. Those questions exist, and they owe as much to consciousness as they do to love.”

I rhetorically asks myself in and every time I turn up into the lectures “what’s the point of studying the question of origins?!” and kept convincing myself that they are pointless and complex. And indeed they are. As Tariq Ramadan pointed out, “..(they are) sometimes quite pointlessly technical and nebulous”. Nevertheless, he also pointed out that they are essential.

“Source points us toward the ‘meaning’. if we know where we come from, we know our way. The human consciousness has a very special relationship with the question of origins, of beginnnings, or the beginning: that is the secret or truth we have to succeed in apprehending in spiritual and intellectual terms.”

I’ve been occupying myself with the complexity of the origin’s argument and the explanation of which the counter-argument for the external world and etc. And I realized it’s hard for me to understand the concept the ‘external world’ as I can never  distance myself with my acquired muslim identity (and perhaps knowledge) and the things that I’ve been thought. I came to a realization that I tend to put a frown on my face whenever this topic is being discussed. But, after reading Tariq Ramadan’s, it came to me  that it is part of a journey:

“In the order of spirituality, the Andalusia we come from needs the path that leads to it and thus reveals its meaning and essence. It exists thanks to the discernment of the consciousness that gives and restores its meaning” – In reference with Paolo Coelho’s The Alchemist.

enough said here. It’s already Subuh and I don’t want to miss it by accidently sleep later.

Yes, it has been very busy these few weeks (with MNight etc) that I tried cheating time and I failed gloriously. 3 essays and 2 presentations. It’s time to get back on track as I’ve astrayed (i think).

p/s: i’ll try to update regularly. not for the sake of updating, or for you or for anything. but for the sake of pembangunan dan perkembangan diri bro! (or sis)

 

this is what people call #throwback (baling belakang?) nowadays. Cardiff 2013. Memang pergi Cardiff every year. Sebab pweetty.