Agenda (kah?)

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

I have a confession. I’ve been trying to avoid doing any work/writing essays/do any reading. Staring at the computer screen for hours with no letters being typed. Staring at the books/reading list and dozed off to sleep. It amazing how fast your state of heart can be contaminated with filth without you even realizing it. How unbelievable the lists of excuses that you made to your own self and being to ‘comfort’ the heart. To wash away the sense of guilt. These things happened because truly, and madly, I am scared.

Jujur, aku takut.

Titik permulaanku dengan orang lain berbeza. Aku takut dengan orang yang terkehadapan. Aku takut dengan orang yang lantang dan petah.Aku takut pabila mereka berbicara perihal ideologi yang aku tidak tahu sejarah dan konteksnya. Jujur, aku takut. Takut tidak sempurna.

Tapi sayangku, ada kata-kata yang tidak mungkin kau boleh lupakan : “umat, dalam keadaan tenat.”

Kata-kata ini seharusnya mampu menggetarkan hati kotormu itu, mampu memaksa titisan air mata mengalir dari matamu yang leka melihat dunia. Mereka lebih jauh, namun jangan kau tertinggal kebelakang. Lupakah kamu pepatah arab yang diajar Muallimah Zulikha ketika darjah 4 dahulu? “Man jadda wajada”. Setumpul mana pun kamu, sekiranya kamu mempunyai hati seorang pencinta, kamu akan berhasil. “Ingat, bukan yang paling tajam, tetapi yang paling bersungguh-sungguh”

Susun kembali agendamu. Agendamu esok, minggu hadapan, tahun hadapan, 10 tahun lagi. “Muslim perlu ada agenda, kerna muslim yang tiada agenda adalah muslim yang malang.” Penatkan fizikal dan mentalmu bekerja dan berhenti termenung.


today tomorrow or perhaps tonight

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

This will be a very random post without any specific topic chosen to be focussed on.

1. It’s a training, a month of reflection, a holy month. Ramadhan. There is celebration of mercy in every minute. There is sweetness of iman in every seconds (amin). Yet, we still practice the attitude of victimhood. The sense of victimhood will eventually bring us to the sense of isolation.

2. Understanding. Not merely presenting our thoughts and ideas to those who don’t understand but to engage. And the engagement does not only requires the heart but also the mind. Learning other’s culture does not downgrade your own culture and faith.

3. Freedom and justice. The very basic principles of humanity and faith itself. But both requires ethics and responsibility.Freedom requires responsibility. Because freedom without responsibility and  knowledge, will be the exact form of unhappiness and oppression. Justice requires ethics – between what is right and wrong. The interdependent of decision making shapes one’s ethics. There might be a contradiction yet there is a way.

4. The  power of sports. A person who trained for years can do what politicians or preachers can’t do – be in the heart of every young man/woman.

apologize for the lack of organisation and the staccato flow of words.




Give and take

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

currently playing : We Are The Tide – Blind Pilot

“Give me the sky, all the space
it can hold. I left you, the last night we loved,
and when I returned, you were gone with the gold,
and the silver, the river, the forest, the fields,
and this is the story I’ve told.”
                                                     Give – Carol Ann Duffy

I promised myself to sleep before 12 tonight. And it’s 7 to 12 which I consider myself as a failure already. I made so little progress with the book that I’m currently reading and I blame the fact that for the past 2 days, I suffer from my monthly pain where most women out there would understand what I’m talking about. Speaking of the level of pain from 1-10, I would say this one would be  a 13 and I’m going to drop this topic abruptly. The book that I’m currently reading is The Messenger (the one I blogged last time) which I didn’t manage to finish it back in UK because I was quite occupied with exams. I admire how Tariq Ramadan narrated the prophet’s life story and at the same time extract lessons for the reader-he touches not only the mind be the spiritual heart as well. My good friend from Morocco reminded me the objective of exams/learning basically when I was at the brink of giving up (what exams did to me back then). She gave me the extract of the surah “Al-Qalam” (The Pen):

“Nun. By the pen and by that which they write. You [Muhammad] are not, by the grace of your lord [Rabb, “Educator”], possessed. Verily, yours is an unfailing reward. And surely you have sublime morals. You will soon see, and they will see, which of you is afflicted with madness.”

“Thus, at the very moment when the Creator swears “by the pen” and confirms the necessity of the knowledge conveyed to human beings, He opens the verses with a mysterious letter, nun, expressing the limits of human knowledge. The dignity of humankind, conferred by knowledge, cannot be devoid of the humility of reason aware of its own limits and thereby recognizing the necessity of faith. Accepting, and accepting not to understand, the mysterious presence of the letter nun requires faith; understanding and accepting the unmysterious statements of the verses that follow require the use of reason that is active but necessarily – and indeed naturally – humbled.” – excerpt from The Messenger.

A few days ago I randomly tweeted my friend that after I finish degree in Economics & Politics (with His will), I’ll pursue architecture and now I’m contemplating about doing law. Perhaps just to discover myself to the next level. Uncertainty kills me. It is killing me softly. But I have to trust Him with all my heart and mind as my knowledge is limited and I am absolutely humbled.

Whatever happen or had happened, there must be a reason behind it. Now, I shall sleep and watch 2 videos on ‘Malaysia Negara Berkebajikan?’ and googlemap for tomorrow.



There’s no such thing as free lunch.

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

it’s 4.07am – am not asleep yet but already had my breakfast. my sleeping pattern is officially distorted because how early i try to sleep, i will pass out around 3/4ish. Instead of letting my eyeballs wandering wildly around the ceiling thinking of ways to get myself to sleep, i decided to do the opposite. went to the kitchen-made a cup of coffee-open my laptop and tadaah! yes, here i am. to be frank, I couldn’t study for the past 2 hours. My brain (or tummy) just couldn’t  digest the impacts of the increased regulation on economic efficiency and the complexity of UK banking industry (heh).

Anyhow, if i’m not mistaken, there are currently hundreds/thousands of Malaysians gathering for Bersih 3.0 rally despite the red light given by the authority. I realize we tend to ask the wrong question regarding cases like this. Most mentality easily compartmentalize rigidly between what’s right and wrong. Whether going to the rally is the right/wrong thing to do or if you go, you’re on-the-opposition-side and if you criticize the rally, you’re-the-pro-govt people. The fundamental question that we should seek for answers is, to what extent do we care and understand the objective of the rally. Freedom of speech and freedom of presenting your views/ideas should be embraced and should not be constrained. The people stand for the ‘Power of the People’ to amplify their voice in order to be heard. The effectiveness/impact of this event of course depends on the ethical values that the people brought out to the streets. Let’s see what will happen. May the outcome be well. Moga semangat yang menyertai bukan sekadar emosi semata-mata tetapi dengan pemahaman.

I hope it’s not too late to talk about the PTPTN thingy. (it’s never too late.ohoi) But as far as I can see, there seems to be a flaw(s) in the demand for the abolishment of PTPTN. I was having brunch with my friend, Nargiz last Monday and I just asked an impromptu question about the education system in Kazakhstan-whether they receive free higher education system. Turn out that they do not receive free higher education system-similar to Malaysia where the govt give out loans etc.

I started to question the credibility of Malaysian economic system to give out free education to all the citizens. The main problem/issue about this is the opportunity cost. There is no such thing as free lunch. You have to pay the price if you want it. I am not in position at all to argue against the fundamental rights for education but as far as I am concern, Malaysians are given the basic rights to education-primary education. Going back to the opportunity cost. If let’s say the government implements free higher education,  there is a big question on which sector of the economy the govt should ‘sacrifice’ in order to compensate and sustain the education system. Then we have to face the music-the quality of the education itself.  A friend from Morocco shared her view on this issue. Moroccon students are given the privilege of free HE. But they also have to face the quality and the standard of free HE. So whether we amplify the quality or the quantity of graduates, the answer is in your hands (eceh).

Nevertheless, I’m not saying that it’s impossible for us to give out free education. Perhaps the answer lies on the corruption level-the implementation of PTPTN itself. Malaysian have been idealistic with the vast arrays of economic policies etc but perhaps what stagnated the growth/collective happiness are the values that we put within ourselves. Mungkin itu sebabnya korupsi terlalu banyak dan produktiviti orang kita tidak begitu memberansangkan. Plus, PTPTN is voluntarily and not compulsory. Those who wants it, can receive the loan but those who think they don’t want to be bound by debts, simply can opt out of it.

We should fight for transparency if we want the education system to improve and who knows we can perhaps reach Finland’s level of education system. hew hew. These are just views of mine. Mencari pemahaman itu satu langkah kematangan.

p/s : it’s quite funny to see how most Malaysians/politicians/friends passionately tweeting about the current situation on Bersih 3.0 and suddenly saw a tweet about the PM dengan rileknya merasmikan buku nota di Kuching sambil mengenakan t-shirt oren. oh pemimpinku.

I say

 You say that only a fool believes that everyone has some good in their heart.
You say that only a fool makes music in their mind.
You say that only a fool loves hate back.
You say that only a fool leans against the wind.
You say that only a fool takes on a planet.
You say that only a fool holds out hope.
You say that only a fool tries to fly.
You say that only a fool fights the sea.
Very well.
I am that fool. And I will die fighting. 




If you know anyone, your uncle, aunt, sister, sister-in-law, you in-laws, your tutor, your ex-roommate, your current roommate who wants to buy Kata DSLR bag complete with compartment for lenses, tripod and laptop, please tell me. merci!

Oh My

In the name of Allah Most Gracious Most Merciful.

okay. this is bloody awesome. lemme present to those who adore glorify coolness and books enthusiast, the house of shelves!

this innovative ‘Shelf-pod’ house in Osaka, Japan can hold 1o tons of books! it is specially designed by Japanese Architect Kazuya Morita for a  young historian with an extensive book collection in Islamic history. oddly amazing ite? 8D